Bolganio High School Host Club
by poisonofblue
Summary: Kiss kiss fall in love? All Chartette Langley wanted was a quiet place to study. Instead, she found a ridiculous group calling themselves a "Host Club"! Evillious AU oneshot. Implied Kyle Marlon/Chartette Langley. Mostly crack.


A sigh echoed in the wide hallway. Without a word, Chartette closed to the door to the library and began to walk away. Honestly, what was the point of having three libraries if no one actually used them to study? Every single one was lively, as though there were some sort of party there. Indeed, the libraries seemed more like gathering places than anything else.

The other students at Bolganio Acedmy were more often than not a mystery to poor Chartette. It was an elite school, which only the children of wealthy and influential families could afford to attend. The only exception was Chartette herself. She had earned a scholarship, by some combination of hard work and sheer dumb luck. The only problem was that she had to keep her grades up or risk losing it.

Though she couldn't imagine how she was supposed to do that when there weren't any quiet places to study! Did these rich kids come to school just for the fun of it? She just couldn't understand it.

As she though this, she continued down the hall. Every once in a while, she glanced into the rooms, just to see if she could find somewhere, anywhere, to study in peace. Finally, she came to a suitable room. It was a music room, but it seemed to be unused, so Chartette supposed it would do well enough.

When she pulled the door open, she was suddenly assaulted by the smell of roses, and a warm greeting. It was bright, and she blinked in an effort to clear her vision.

Standing before her was…a group of people – boys, mostly. She could only guess that this must be the "Host Club" she'd heard the girls in her class giggling about.

"Oh, it's just her." Two spoke in unison. They were a set of twins, and one was the only girl in the club. She wore a lovely dress and looked at Chartette with something like contempt. The boy twin didn't seem particular interested in her. Though they were obviously fraternal twins, they looked so similar that it was hard to tell the difference if you just looked at their faces.

They seemed familiar to her. Alexiel and…Riliane, wasn't it?

"This girl is in the same class as you two, isn't she?" An older boy with glasses and neat brown hair spoke up. He didn't seem all that concerned by the intruder or the twins.

"Yes, but we don't know her very well." Riliane said.

"She isn't very sociable at all." Her brother said.

The older boy scoffed quietly. "That isn't very polite at all." The twins just shrugged as he continued speaking. "Welcome to the Bolganio Academy Host Club, miss honor student."

"What?!" Another boy interrupted. He jumped in, looking at Chartette with wide, blue eyes. His hair was an almost identical shade, and it struck her as a little odd. "You mean that this girl is the exceptionally rare honor student, Chartette Langley?"

Chartette had long since stopped listening. She didn't want to associate with any "Host Club" and fought to open the door. However, when that boy said her name, she suddenly froze and turned to face him.

"How do you know my name?"

The boy in glasses answered her instead. "Well, it's difficult for commoners to get into this school. I've heard that only those with a rather audacious nerve have what it takes to become an honor student."

Chartette could hardly believe what she was hearing. Audacious? Commoner? Wasn't he the one who lectured the twins for being impolite earlier? _Honestly_.

"Ah…Thank you?" She didn't know what else to say.

"That's right!" The blue-haired boy said, putting an arm around her shoulders. He didn't seem to notice her discomfort at all. "That means that you're a hero, Miss Langley! You're at the head of your class, despite being the poorest person in the entire school."

Well, that wasn't very nice. He probably didn't mean it that way, but it still stung a little, and so Chartette slid away from him a bit. She really needed to get out of here, anyway. Wasn't she supposed to be studying?

"You lowly people may be looked down upon…" He continued as though she had never moved, following after her in long, confident strides.

"I-I wouldn't go that far…" Chartette mumbled.

"Well, that doesn't matter." He still didn't seem to have heard her. "Long live the poor, I say! Welcome, poor man, to our world of beauty." He made a grand gesture, but it looked ridiculous more than anything else. Chartette was beginning to wonder if he even heard himself speak.

That's not say it wasn't nice, in its own way. Though he was a little rude, it didn't seem like he meant anything by it. Rather, he was trying to welcome her. It was just unfortunate that she wasn't really interested in such things.

"Please excuse me." She said, walking back towards the door.

"Wait!" A loud voice, like a child's called out as she was suddenly pulled by the sleeves of her dress. "Char-char! Are you really a hero? That's amazing!"

"I-I'm not, really." She laughed nervously. "I'm just an honor student." She wasn't sure how she felt about the nickname, but couldn't bring herself to say anything when faced with such a small boy.

"Still, I didn't think you'd be into these kinds of things, though." The blue-haired boy suddenly appeared again.

"U-um, well…" She was about to correct him, but he continued speaking.

"Well, which would you prefer?"

"The wild type?" He gestured at an older boy with purple hair who had been silent throughout the whole thing. He glanced at Chartette, but didn't say a word.

"The Lolita boy type?" She guessed this meant the little boy from earlier. He looked at Chartette with wide red eyes, while holding a strange-looking toy. Was that a pink octopus?

"The little devil type?" The twins grinned mischievously.

"The cool type?" That would be the brown-haired-boy, it seemed.

"Y-you're misunderstanding…" Chartette began to step back. This wasn't going well at all. "I just wanted to find a quiet place where I could study."

"Or maybe…" The blue-haired boy said, advancing on her. She might as well have not spoken, as far as he was concerned. He reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand. With a charming smile on his face, he leaned in closer. "Would you like to try me out? How about it?"

Too close! He was too close! Startled, Chartette stumbled backwards, right into a stand with a nice-looking vase sitting on it. As fast as she could, she reached out to grab it, but it was already too late. The vase shattered into pieces.

All she could do was stare in horror. It wasn't an unusual occurrence for her, but it was usually her own things that got destroyed. This was not good. Not good at all.

"Oh dear!" the twins chimed.

"That was the renaissance vase that was going to be sold at the school auction!" Alexiel cried.

"You've really done it now, you clumsy girl!" His sister said. "The bidding was supposed to start at 80000 dollars."

No way! 80000 dollars?!

"Um…Is there any way that I can pay you back?" She asked, though she knew it was impossible.

"I doubt it." Riliane sneered. "You can't even afford our school's uniform." She gestured at Chartette's clothes. The dress was a hand-me-down from her mother, and wasn't anywhere near the school's standards.

The brown-haired boy calmly walked over and picked up a shard of the vase. He didn't look up from it as he addressed the blue-haired boy. "Well, what do you think, Kyle?"

Kyle's demeanor seemed to change entirely. He sat down in a chair and crossed his legs almost dramatically. The image reminded Chartette of a king seated on his throne.

"Have you ever heard this saying, Miss Langley?" His tone was much more serious than before, and it filled her with a sense of dread. "When in Beelzenia, do as the Beelzenians do." He pointed dramatically at Chartette. How was he even doing that with his eyes closed? "If you cannot pay use with money, then you'll have to pay with your body, instead. Starting today, you will be the Host Club's dog!"

D-dog? Wasn't that a bit much? This whole thing…was utterly ridiculous.

Still, she didn't really have a choice. If she didn't repay her debt somehow, there could be serious trouble. She wasn't that kind of girl, anyway. She wouldn't even consider trying to get out of it.

So, she began her work at the host club the very next day. They opened for business, and soon the room was filled with giggling and chattering girls. It the exact kind of noise Chartette had been trying to avoid, but it couldn't be helped.

"Kyle, what is your favorite song?" One girl asked.

"One that reminds me of you, of course." He replied, not missing a beat.

"I made some cake. Won't you have some?" Another asked.

"Only if you feed it to me." He answered, leaning in close.

The girl's face went bright red. "Oh, Kyle!" She giggled.

Supposedly, Kyle Marlon was the "king" of the host club, and it wasn't hard to see why. He was clearly very popular with the girls, and seemed to always know just what to say.

While that girl swooned, another sitting nearby calmly set down her teacup. "Kyle, I heard a rumor that you were keeping a little kitten without a pedigree." She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Hm…I wouldn't say a 'kitten'. She's more like…Oh!" He cut himself off, seeing Chartette walk through the door. "Speak of the devil. Thank you for doing the shopping, little piglet. Did you get everything?"

Was it "piglet" now? That was even worse than calling her a dog, but she didn't really comment on it. "Yep! Here you go." She smiled and set the bag down on the table.

Kyle reached into it and pulled out a container. "Huh? What's this?"

"It's coffee. You asked for that, didn't you?" Oh no, had she done something wrong?

"Oh. I've never seen this brand before." He continued to observe the container in his hands as though it were something strange. "Is this the kind that's already ground?"

"Uh, no. It's instant."

The girls looked rather confused. "Instant?" One asked, like the concept was strange.

Kyle's eyes widened, and he stared at the coffee as though he'd just discovered something amazing. "Oh, so this is the commoner's coffee, that you only have to add hot water to!"

More girls began to gather around them, perhaps drawn by the spectacle he was making.

"Oh, I've heard of that."

"So it's true that poor people don't even have enough free time to grind their own coffee beans."

The other girls all nodded in agreement.

Even the other hosts began to gather around them now.

"Commoners have their wisdom." The boy in glasses, Keel Freesis said.

"It says that it costs just three dollars for 100 grams." Riliane observed.

"That's way less than we usually pay." Alexiel said.

"I'm sorry!" Chartette realized that she must have made a mistake. Of course these rich kids didn't drink instant coffee like normal people. "I'll go buy something else. So, please give it back now."

"No, wait." Kyle held up a hand to stop her. "I'll drink it." The girls, and even the hosts, all gasped in amazement. "I will drink this coffee!" He struck a comically dramatic pose, and the girls applauded him, as though it were some great feat.

One girl, however, remained unaffected by these shenanigans. It was the girl from earlier, who had called Chartette a kitten. She simply continued to sip at her tea as though nothing had happened.

"Come here, Chartette and show me how to make this commoner's coffee." Kyle beckoned her to follow him.

At that moment, the girl spoke up as she finally set her cup down. "You're taking the joke too far. There's no way such a lowly drink will suit your tastes, Kyle."

"Huh?"

The girl just smiled up at Chartette. "Sorry. I was just talking to myself."

Chartette didn't have a chance to respond as she was suddenly called for. She hurried over to the others, and dutifully made the coffee as she was told. It wasn't terribly difficult. All you had to do was add water. She wasn't sure why that required a demonstration. There were many girls, but Chartette managed to get enough made for all of them fairly quickly.

They didn't drink it at first. They just stared, as it if it were some strange foreign substance. If Chartette didn't know any better, she'd think they were all holding cups full of poison.

"I'm a little scared to drink this."

"My father might yell at me."

Kyle, undeterred, leaned closely to the girl. "What if you drank it from my mouth, instead?"

"I-I'd definitely drink it." She answered and the other girls all swooned.

"Good grief." Chartette muttered as she watched this. These girls were all so strange. In the end, though, she was just glad that everything worked out.

Looking away, she noticed Alexiel and Riliane sitting at a table together with two girls. She was a little surprised that there was a girl in the host club, but the guests didn't seem to mind much.

Riliane seemed to be telling some sort of story while Alexiel squirmed nervously. The girls seemed to be enjoying it.

"He had this terrible dream and bolted right up in bed…"

"Riliane! Don't tell _that_ story." He frowned, looking as though he might cry. In fact, small tears seemed to already be forming in his eyes. "You're awful. I can't believe you're telling that story in front of others."

Riliane looked surprised for a moment, perhaps startled by her brother's tears. "Alexiel…" She muttered. The two girls watching blushed and leaned into each other. "I'm sorry, Alexiel" Riliane put her hands on his cheeks and leaned in close. "You were just so cute when it happened, that I couldn't help myself."

"Riliane…" Alexiel called out softly. If she looked closely, Chartette thought she could see some color on their cheeks.

The girls squealed at this ridiculous scene. "What beautiful sibling love!"

"Why are they crying like that?" Chartette wondered as she walked past. "I don't get it at all." It was a little weird, to be honest.

As those two were wrapping up their little act, the last two members of the club finally showed up.

"Sorry we're late." Arkatoir said, rubbing at his eyes. It was an adorable sight, to be sure.

"Arkie! Gast!" A girl cried.

"We've been waiting for you!"

Gast came over to where the girls were seated, and wordless put Arkatoir down on the ground.

"Sorry. I was waiting for Gast to get out of his club, but I fell asleep." He continued to rub at his eyes. "I still feel a little sleepy."

The girls all stared at him for a moment with wide eyes, before bursting out into a chorus of 'how cute!"

Chartette watched all of this in confusion. "Is that boy really a senior?" He looked like he belonged in elementary school, really.

"Arkatoir might not look like it," Keel said, approaching her. "But he is a prodigy. Gast's appeal is his silent disposition. Our club makes use of everyone's individual characteristics to respond to the needs of our guests. By the way, Kyle is number one around here – the "king". His request rate is 70%."

"What is the world coming to?" Chartette muttered. This was the strangest spectacle she'd ever seen.

Keel continued as though she'd never spoken. That seemed to happen quite a bit with these people. "By the way, with you $80000 debt, you'll be working for this club until you graduate. You're certainly free to run, but you should know that my family employs a private police force." He paused to adjust his glasses. "Do you have a passport?"

So, basically she wouldn't be able to stay in Bolganio anymore. Oh, why was this happening to her?

"That's right." Kyle suddenly chimed in. It seemed he had an odd habit of appearing out of nowhere. "So be sure to work hard, little miss klutz. You know, you'll never get any guys, as disheveled as you look."

"I-I don't really care about that…"

"What do you mean? Becoming a fine man, and pleasing the ladies is everything to me." He flashed that charming smile, and held out a rose to her. Where did he even get that thing?

"It doesn't really matter if you ask me. Men, women and appearances…Isn't the important thing what's on the inside." That's what she sincerely believed. A person's actions were much more important that their appearance. If she ever did find a guy, she was sure it would be because of who she was, and not how she dressed. "I honestly don't know why this kind of club even exists in the first place."

"It's such a cruel thing, isn't it?" Kyle asked. His voice was almost comically serious. Chartette glanced at him, dreading the words that might come next. "Every once in a while, the gods create a truly perfect person – in every sense of the word."

"Uh…What?"

"I understand how you must feel, trying to console yourself by saying such things. You probably couldn't go on living if you didn't." He continued to ramble on about such nonsense as Chartette stared in amazement. He made all sorts of ridiculously grand gestures.

What was it that one called such people? She didn't like to think ill of someone, but there _was_ a term for this, wasn't there? What was it again? The twins showed up as she thought it over, but she hardly noticed them at all.

A pain in the neck? No, something more precise…

"Oh, that's it!"

"Did I strike a chord with you?"

"Obnoxious!"

Kyle looked like he didn't know what had hit him, and curled up on the floor. He looked absolutely depressed, really. Well, that was a little rude of her. She hadn't meant to say that out loud.

The twins just laughed. "You're a hero, all right, Chartette!"

"I-I'm sorry. It really did strike a small chord with me." A lie, but it probably wouldn't hurt anything.

Kyle recovered almost immediately. "Is that so? Then allow me to teach you more."

"You can try to teach the basic of hosting…"

"But I doubt it will do much good…"

"Considering she's a girl…"

"And an ugly one at that."

"H-hey!"

Kyle looked at her closely. Maybe he saw something the others didn't, because his eyes widened, and he snapped his fingers.

"Riliane! Alexiel!"

"Yes, sir!" The twins replied dutifully, despite the doubts the expressed earlier. Each grabbed an arm, and they began to drag her away.

"Keel, call a hair dresser!"

Keel seemed to have his phone open and dialed the number as Kyle spoke.

"Gast, get some makeup!"

"Ky-Ky, what about me?" Arkatoir asked, wide eyed. He seemed to be eager to help.

"Arkie…"

"Uh-huh?"

"Please go have some cake."

Arkatoir pouted, and sat down at a small table with his only stuffed toy. Everyone else said they were too busy.

Chartette was poked and prodded. Her hair was pulled on, and things were shoved into her face. It was uncomfortable, but she bore it. She didn't know what else to do since no one ever seemed to listen to her. Finally, she was ready.

She stepped out in front of the club. She was wearing a spare school uniform, and her face was caked up with heaven-knew-what. Her hair had been pulled into two curled pigtails. It wasn't actually a bad look for her, she had to admit.

"I-is it really alright for me to have this uniform?"

Kyle nearly wept tears of joy at seeing her. "You're so pretty! Just like a real girl."

"Um…Thank you?" She couldn't but feel like she had been insulted, though.

"Char-char's pretty!"

"If that's how you really look…"

"…You should have said so sooner."

"She might even be able to get some customers like this."

"Exactly! Just as I thought." Kyle chimed in, but Chartette doubted that. "The errand girl has graduated. From today on, you're an official hostess! I'll train you myself, and if you can get 100 customers to request you, I'll pardon your debt."

"Is this really going to work?" Alexiel asked.

"Well, we already have one hostess. What's another?" Kyle didn't seem bothered by it.

Chartette didn't know what to think. She couldn't be a hostess! She didn't know the first thing about these sorts of things. Why would anyone request a girl like her, anyway?

However, if they would forgive her debt…Well, she just had to try her best. It was either a hundred customers, or work until graduation, but somehow, she would repay them.

She wasn't prepared at all for the insanity that would follow, but there would be many happy times, too. The time spent in the Host Club wasn't something Chartette would ever regret. She would meet many people, make many friends, and maybe…something more? Well, you never know.


End file.
